My momma always used to say
life is just like a box of
chocolates. You never know what you gonna get. You got the best. Whitlow
Whitlow Enterprises was created and is owned and operated by a carpenter, a Sheppard, a good fisherman, and our only savior- the Lord Jesus Christ. On the morning of September 1, 2001, he woke me up at 04:30 and said build it and they will come. If you recall that is 911 the day America was attacked. "Build what," I asked. "A field of dreams, a baseball park, or a cornfield." And his answer as clear as the nose on your face was Smoke School- that is the only thing you have ever done right in your entire life. I created you to be smoke school and I would love for you do do it the way that you know that I would do it. Do unto others like you would love them do unto you. Do it right the first time or get out of Dodge. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Years ago in 1983 back when I was a young buck inspector suffering through smoke school, I discovered it was broke. I took the EPA Method 9 certification test and failed it 96 times in 3 days. I got sun stroke, moon bite, poison ivy, and the 7 year itch. Smoke school was broker than a 2 dollar pistol. It want work and you can't fire it. So I fixed it. I could not pass the certification test, so I started giving the Louisiana DEQ smoke school EPA Method 9 Visible Emissions Evaluator training and certification test for DEQ in 1984. I cashed in my chips in 2001 and retired from DEQ to start Whitlow Enterprises Smoke School. Starting on day one in 1984 all attendees come to say they actually leaned something for the first time and had fun to boot. Imagine that Smoke School is fun. I just might have a college BS degree in Environmental Science and Social Studies, but that don't mean that I don't have common plain horse sense. AMEN end of Story. Click on the links then scroll down for the rest of the story.
Welcome to Whitlow.Contact us Smoke school schedule Locations by state Louisiana Smoke Schools Grain Elevator Smoke Schools
Employment Opportunities for Whitlow Enterprises
You can plan and request any location in any state.
Private onsite smoke schools are also available.
Night time smoke school certification
Fees Registration Download EPA Method 9 form Instructions for Method 9 Form
Smoke School Products: Order Ringelmann Pocket Smoke Chart,
Classroom DVD, or Smoke School Practice Text
Whitlow Engraving- Labels,Tags,Boat Paddles,anything metal, wood or glass
Environmental Health and Safety Audits Frequently Asked Questions Sight Map
Uncle George Story Time Payment Center
Smoke School Products: Order Ringelmann Pocket Smoke Chart, Classroom DVD, or Smoke School Practice Text
It ain't over until the fat cat sings
The basic fundamentals of our success- vision, discipline, judgment, commitment, dependability, and accuracy. We strive to be the best that we can be. Whitlow Smoke School is co owned and operated by me and my lovely bride Pamela and our 3 beautiful daughters Holly, Ashley, and Mandy. Whitlow is based on love, faith, hope, family, and crabs. Hello my name is George Artie Whitlow, AKA Cotton Valley, Smoke Commander, Uncle Earl- and the buck stops here. Pam is the boss and without her and Jesus we would not be here at all. Our dedicated loyal staff of team players are here for one reason and one reason only. We are here to serve you in the best way possible. We built it and you are coming. We are growing by leaps and bounds because we do it right the first time and take the stress out of smoke school. You would rather be with us then the dentist- I gar-on-tee you will give us the thumbs up on this one. We want to teach you what you need to know about opacity reading and how to pass the certification test the first time so you can go fishing. We bring you plenty of hot coffee, ice cold water, and soft drinks to keep you refreshed. We even cook you a mouthwatering Cajun lunch gumbo or jambalaya, maybe some crawfish pie. We want you to feel like your are at home and have some fun. We know that your job is stressful and very dangerous, because we have worked in plants too. My hat goes off to you men and women who keep America working.
Here are the normal things we do that make our competitors try to imitate us:
We do our homework before each smoke school with maintenance and calibration before each test
We set the stage for optimal conditions for reading opacity even on cloudy days- contrasting background and shelter from rain and sun
We start your day off with precise instructions on how to read opacity, fill out the forms, and take the visible emissions certification test. Remember this- read the background not the smoke. 25% opacity means 25% of the background is obscured by the smoke. Always read the opacity at the densest part of the plume. In our case, choose an observation point that is 12 inches in diameter the same diameter as our smokestack.
Whitlow gives you plenty practice test opacity plumes to evaluate and we watch you to make sure you are following the correct basic fundamentals of reading opacity.
We present the smoke school visible emissions evaluator certification test following EPA requirements of of random opacity plumes from zero to 100%
We focus on low level opacity readings from zero to 50%, Most permits call for an average of 20% opacity over a 6 minute period. Some permits limit opacity to zero or 5%. Ray Charles can see 20% opacity. The certification test should not be based on a quota system designed to 50% of you will fail each test. We refuse to jump around like King Kong from 5% to 90% like a datburn yo yo. Absolutely no point in this at all.
After the test you allow you to grade your own test papers. Our staff team grades the papers as well on site. You will know that you passed before you leave. We call out the answers nice and slow.
Each smoke school consists of a morning and afternoon session to allow you to send plenty of employees. Please let us know when you resister if you prefer morning or afternoon.
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And the Good Lord says Thumbs Up Whitlow
Hey meet my lovely Bride Pam. Like my Uncle Si, I am Uncle George, the Smoke Commander, and 5% of every single one of my stories is absolutely true- sometimes 7%. Nobody handed me this Whitlow Smoke School on a silver platter. I ain't never asked nobody for nuttin Jack. I done it all on my own. I just might have a college degree in environmental and social work but that don't mean I am not a southern gentleman with plain common horse sense. I have made a living driving nails and driving trucks. I have worked in a plant or three. I am not a man afraid of hard work. There might be a little snow on my chimney but that don't mean there ain't no fire in the fireplace.
While we are on the subject of hard work
I just wanted to tell you that, "I am a man who likes hard work"
I was born working and I worked my way up by hard work
I aint ever got no where, but I got there by hard work
Work of the hardest kind I been down and I been out
I been disgusted I been busted and I couldnt be trusted
I worked my way up and I worked my way down
I been drunk and I been sober, I been baptized and hijacked
Worked my way in jail and I worked my way outta jail
Woke up a lot of mornins, didnt know where I was at
The hardest work I ever done was, when I was tryin
To get myself a worried woman to help ease my worried mind
Im gonna tell ya just how much work I had to do
To get this woman I was tellin you about, I shook hands
With ninety seven of her kinfolk and Her blood relatives
And I done just the same with eighty six people
Who's just her friends and her neighbors
I kissed seventy three babies and put dry pants
On thirty four of em, well as others done this same thing
Well there are a lot of other things just like this
I held one hundred twenty five wild horses
And put saddles and bridles on more than that
Harnessed some of the wildest and craziest teams
In that whole country I rode fourteen loco broncos to a stand still
And I let forty two hound dogs lick me all over seven times
Is bit by hungry dogs and I was chewed all to pieces
By rattlesnakes and water moccasins on two river bottoms
I chopped and carried three hundred fourteen arm loads
Of stove wood, one hundred nine buckets of coal
Carried a gallon of kerosene eighteen miles over the mountains
Got lost, lost a good pair of shoes in a mud hole
And I chopped and weeded forty eight rows of short cotton
Thirteen acres of bad corn, I cut the sticker weeds
Out of eleven back yards, all on account of 'cuz
I wanted to show her that I was a man and I liked to work
I cleaned out nine barn lofts, cranked thirty one cars
All makes and models, pulled three cars out of mud holes
And four or five out of snow drifts
I dug five cisterns of water for some of her friends
Run all kinds of errands, played the fiddle for nine
Church meetins I Joined eleven separate denominations
I joined up and signed up with seven best trade unions
I could find, I paid my wages, a, dues six months in advance
I waded forty eight miles of swamps and six big rivers
Walked across two ranges of mountains and crossed
Three deserts, I got the fever, sun stroke, Malaria, blue
Moonstruck, skeeter bit, poison Ivy and the seven year itch
And the blind staggers, I was give up for less, lost and dead
A couple of times struck by lightning, struck by Congress
Struck by friends and kinfolks Well as by three cars on highways
A lot of times in peoples hen houses, I been hit and run down
Run over and walked on knocked around, Im just sittin here
Now tryin to study up what else I can do to show that women
That I still aint afraid of hard work
Now normally I'm a hard working honest man, but now I done stold this here song. Sorry bout that Arlo Guthrie, but I stold your daddy Woody Guthrie's song, Talking Hard Work.
Whitlow Photo Album
It ain't over until the fat cat sings