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Whitlow Smoke School  Nation- The Rest of the Story

Datburn- This webpage is groovy. They ought to give me the Pulitzer Prize or at least the Wurlitzer Prize-Turn up the speakers. Time to Rock and Roll. When you hot you hot. When you not you not.

If you in a hurry skip this page and click here. HOME PAGE

On the other hand, if you really have some time to kill, click here for the REDNECK WHITLOW HOME PAGE.

If you are not yet a REDNECK no problem- just scroll down.

But first- Extra Extra Read all about it. The New Orleans Satins Win Read the rest of the story about the Season of Destiny, a story, the Gospel According to Uncle Buck.

Welcome To

Whitlow Smoke School  Nation

STRESS FREE SMOKE SCHOOL

Over 100 Years Combined Experience In

EPA Method 9 & 22 Opacity Visible Emissions Certification and Training

All Over the United States Nation

Licensed Bonded Insured Trusted Bona fide Member Better Business Bureau and US Chamber of Commerce

United States of America Nationwide EPA opacity smoke school training and certification by:

Phone: 318-361-2355          FAX: 318-327-3199    Email smokeschool@yahoo.com

Home Page: www.smokeschool.net   

How Yawl Are? How's yo momma n' dem?  Welcome. Who Dat? Where U AT? Where U Been? Been waiting for U. Open the door, Get in. U R Driving. Buckle-up, this baby goes from zero to 60 in 4 seconds flat, like water off a duck's back. How do you like this Model A Hot Rod Lincoln? Lets take a little spin through the Whitlow Smoke School Nation

Hello my name is George, George Artie Whitlow. People call me The G Man,Bocephus, HANK- Signed a few autographs and got the tattoo to prove it, G Artie Whitlow- Louisiana Novel Arthur, SLIM PICKINS ON EBAY, Artie, King George, BIG GEORGE, The Ole Man-From the Hollywood movie that I starred in, The The Boss, Easy Money, Uncle George, Cowboy, Outlaw,

Brother Whitlow, Sergeant Whitlow, The Comedian, The Story Teller, The Lefty and The Natural- from when I was the strike out king, "Buck" Whitlow- from back when I was a young buck- Whit, Whitlock, But don't call me Mr. Johnson, don't call me Shirley, and don't call me Late for Lunch. And a few names that got beeped out. Actually the MR. Webster definition of a Whitlow is a pain in the... felon, an infection on the tip of a finger. One of my x sister-in-law's was an Arizona Doctor MD and she taught me that. You don't have to call me Darlin, Darlin.  You don't have to call me Charlie Pride. You don't have to call me Waylon Jennings. You don't have to call me Merle Haggard any more, that is my cousin.

The whole world just calls me HANK. I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep, when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep, when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth. Then I was the craftsman at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence. Proverbs 8:37-34 Whitlow Smoke School Nation is the best ever. It is right there in the Bible, red letters, First Parenthesis. Rejoicing in the Lord. We all should try that. It will change our life and it will change our country and our world.

Presenting Stress Free Smoke School

Whitlow Smoke School-WE ARE THE EXPERTS

Spreading Louisiana Home Grown Fun, Southern Hospitality, Louisiana Southern Culture

Indiana Cornfield humor, Ole Time Country Music, Cajun Food and just a little Gospel

Across this great Whitlow Smoke School Nation

Who Dat! Who Dat!? Say Dey Gonna Beat Dat Whitlow

Why is Whitlow qualified to conduct smoke school training?

What separates us from the other smoke school providers?

Whitlow Smoke Schools for People of Spanish Decent

Our smoke schools are educational and fun- The Good Lord knows there is just too much stress and gloom in the world.

Come To Whitlow- We are laid back-Our stress free environment makes you feel as free as the Eagle-Learn Form From the Experts, Become an Expert Smoke and Dust Opacity Reader- Be as Prepared as a boy scout for your Inspections-and Pass a Good Time- You deserve it

We love you- we need you- and we appreciate all of you- When you hurt we all hurt, Without you all we are doing is blowing smoke in the wind. Without you we would be fishing. We believe in preserving the wildlife of the nation- Part of every dollar you spend catches a fish.

You are the unique visitor since June 1, 2009
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The Best Available Professional Smoke School By A Long Shot

We beat the others with half our brain tied behind our back

Over 100 years Combined Experience In Visible Emissions Training and Certification

Often Imitated never Duplicated

Over 20,000 EPA Method 9 Visible Emissions Training Certificates Awarded

Three Retired Louisiana Department of Environmental  Quality

Inspectors and Environmental Managers Supervisors on Staff

Over 100 years combined experience in Environmental Regulating and Enforcement

Three oldtimer  Environmental Regulating Dudes & one former Plant Manager/ EHS person, one retired United auto Worker, two television news camera crew, a glass-eyed X rodeo clown and bonking bull rider, & a former building contractor along with the best looking ladies in the entire world.

Nationwide Smoke School and EPA Visible Emissions Training and Certification

Leaders in Customer Service I GAR-on-Tee it

Voted best smoke school by all of the people it takes to fill up one line

and half the people it takes to fill up the second line

Trusted by more industrial plants than Carter has Liver Pills

Opacity Training Smoke Reader Certification

EPA Compliance Assurance Evaluation and Documentation Training for Visible Emissions

In Compliance with all state and federal air quality permit requirements for opacity monitoring

You never can tell- with the expert retired LDEQ Air Quality Inspectors on the Whitlow Team , you might even learn about compliance in Air Quality regulations other than Visible Emissions. Just ask us. We can help. As inspectors Lloyd, Paul and I shared the opinion that sometimes you can accomplish more towards clean air with words of advice than the pen and the almighty dollar.

The Cajuns use a word lagniappe. It is a French word meaning something just a tad bit extra. My old football coach Buck Stewart had a sign over the locker room door that said, "Give it 110%". That 110% is all you have plus 10% more- this is lagniappe. The entire Whitlow team does lagniappe at every smoke school. This is called customer service. Here are just a few examples: signs directing you to the smoke school site, shelter from the rain and sun, extra yard chairs in case you forget yours, ice cold bottled water and sodas to keep you comfortable and hydrated, fresh hot coffee, donuts if we can find them, and Cajun or Louisiana style lunches, friendly competition and prizes for the best smoke school test scores including hats, t-shirts, gift cards, and even some Boudreaux's Butt Paste. At most other smoke schools you will hear moaning groaning and gnashing of teeth whenever someone fails the test.  At Whitlow we all groan when we do not nail each answer on the head. Attitude is everything. We provide customer service because you have a choice and we want to see you back again and again. We love smoke school, we love you, and we need you. This is just a clue for how we conduct the testing. Scroll down to read more details.

This web page is designed for business and fun. Sorry it may not seem professional to all, but I grantee that Whitlow Smoke Schools are fun, relaxing, educational, and very professional. Try us one time and you will never ever try anyone else again.  On my oath as a gentleman and a scholar. Buck Whitlow, President.

Side effects of choosing a bad smoke school provider

Disclaimer- be sure to read the Disclaimer

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Singers Uncle Buck and Angie

Every man is CRAZY Bout a Sharp Dressed Woman

                                                                                           Every Woman is CRAZY Bout a Sharp Dressed Man

Uncle Buck at the Ball Game. Take me out to the Old Ball Game- LSU vs Arkansas Alex Box Stadium March 19, 2010/ LSU lost that first game but won the 3 game series and I was there.

Listen I think I hear a train coming. Hope it is not a tornado. When my momma was a little bitty girl, she survived the Great Mississippi River Flood of 1927. My grandmother Lois Harp duck taped momma to the refrigerator every time it thundered. Listen!!!

Ooops! Its the Wabash Cannonball. Click here to Listen.

Listen to the jingle the rumble and the roar as she glides along the woodland
ore the hills and by the shore
hear the rush of the mighty engine hear the lonesome hobos call
he's riding through the jungle on the Wabash cannon ball

Now the western states are dandies so the southern people say from Chicago
and St. Louis
and Peoria by the way
to the lake of Minnesota where the rippling waters flow no chances to be
taken on
the Wabash cannon ball

She pulled in to the station one cold December day
as she rolled up to the platform you could hear all the people say
now theirs a gal from Birmingham she's long and she's tall she came down
from Georgia
on the Wabash cannon ball

Now heres to daddy claxton may his name forever stand
and always be remembered in the courts of all the land
his earthly race is over and as the curtain falls
we'll carry him back to Dixie on the Wabash cannon ball
Wabash Cannonball

Who would a thunk it? One of my cousins in Georgia done opened a school house. Whitlow Elementary Wolves

Alright this web page is different. You have been working too hard. You can't change the past. Don't worry about the future, it will happen. Don't worry about tomorrow not coming. It is already tomorrow in Australia. It is time to sit down, relax and pass a good time. Turn up your speakers and enjoy the music

. Smell the roses, look at the pictures and the videos. Pass a good time with the stories. If you are lucky you might just learn a little more about smoke school, our family, and Whitlow Enterprises. You are welcome, feel at home, spend as much time as you like. Why don't you just pick up the phone and call us sometime. Thanks for coming.

smile at smoke school

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES

You never know just what you are gonna get.

That's What My Momma Always Used to Say

My momma always used to say that a picture was worth a thousand words. Look at the photograph. These are the happy smiles of some satisfied Whitlow friends and customers. Have you ever even in your wildest dreams ever dreamed of walking away from Smoke School feeling this good. Need I say more. Rejoicing at smoke school- Who would a thunk it?

If you wish to see more web page humor and fun, or need additional information about our smoke schools, scroll down past the pictures and read on. Otherwise you can follow these links from this very spot.

EVERYONE LOVES A WINNER. A WINNER NEVER QUITS AND A QUITTER NEVER WINS. YOU AND WHITLOW- A WINNING TEAM. ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE, TOGETHER WE STAND. UNITED WE STAND. LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER WE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU.

Official Whitlow Smoke School REDNECK Christmas Parade Float- Get on with it Rudolf

Absolute proof that Jesus is coming soon

What happened to global warming? Gee it seems to be getting colder- must be having a climate change. The Saints musta won the Super Bowl? I predict it is going to keep snowing in New York until Al Gore hollers UNCLE!!

The Cowboys may be America's Team But The Saints are Jesus' TEAM

Who Dat Gonna Beat EM

Whitlow Smoke School now has an official sponsor

Boudreaux will be sending us a case of Butt Paste every month. Be sure to get your tube at all smoke schools.

Another great Sponsor Slap Ya Mama- get your free box at Smoke School.

Blue Bayou Days, The Summer of 61Uncle Bucks family novel about growing up fishing, hunting, and playing baseball on Blue Bayou. Win a copy at smoke school or order on line and I will autograph it for you.

Whitlow does the job right the first time with one day training programs. With over 30 years experience we know smoke school. We love smoke school and you will too. Attitude is everything. I have been listening to the same complaints about other smoke school providers now for 30 years. Not much has changed for them. The cold hard facts of life are that their test are specifically designed so that 50% of those taking the test fail. Years ago one of the owners of one of these other companies told me that they do not use the word fail. "They were not successful." I have heard a lot of providers say that not everyone can read smoke. Well I think that given the proper training technique and proper instructions that the vast majority of the people can successfully read smoke. You ain't got to be a rocket scientist to read smoke. People with very poor eyesight would have difficulty. My philosophy is that almost everyone can read smoke and that it is about as easy as falling off a log.

Back before they invented smoke school, my Daddy used to drive us to Baton Rouge once a year because we were ready for some football in Death Valley. We could not wait to see LSU's Charlie McClendon's Chinese Bandits  play Bear Bryant's Alabama. We could smell Baton Rouge when we crossed the Mississippi on the Highway 190 bridge. The huge black smoke plumes from Kaiser Aluminum and the ESSO Refinery blackened the sky. Today 100 percent opacity is rare unless something broke or blew up. Thanks to the EPA and the best available air pollution control technology along with the multimillion dollars industry spends to be in compliance with pollution control regulations, the huge black plumes over the Louisiana State Capitol have all been replaced by nice uniform manmade white fluffy clouds of steam. Most industries have to live with permits that require visible emissions opacity to average 20% or better over any 6 minute period. A lot of permits and regulations limit smoke or dust to 0, 5, or 12%. I think Ray Charles could read opacity that low. So what is the purpose of making the EPA Method 9 certification test so difficult to impossible to pass. To this redneck mind, it is all just common plane horse sense. Too bad some of us just don't have any. 

The EPA folks that are lucky enough to have the pleasure of knowing me refer to me as a Good ol' Boy and I am mighty proud they do. I would not want them to think I am sophisticated or cultured- I am mighty proud of my redneck southern heritage.

Years ago when I was a young Buck working with the Louisiana DEQ I invited one of those city slickers from Dallas down here to go deer hunting. He was mighty proud of his new rifle. It was one of them Uzi fully automatic machine gun things. I asked him if he intended to fire 30 rounds at the deer in hopes of hitting it. I asked him if he brought one of those hand grenades just in case he missed with the Uzi. Or maybe a flamethrower or a blow gun with poison darts. Down here we like to give the deer a fighting chance. We put about 30 of those long legged big eared Walker Hounds on the trail and let them have a little foot race. Reluctantly I put that fellow in my favorite spot on that logging road that runs the ridge in that low spot where the deer cross every time we bring the hounds in the area. I told him that it was officially doe day and shoot any deer that hits the trail. I done talked to Gary Watts, the game warden around these parts of Caldwell Parish- the one who argued with me about fishing with the dynamite.  I reached under the seat and took out a stick of Dynamite, Lit it and handed Gary the stick of Dynamite and said, "Are you goin' to argue about it Gary or are you goin' to fish." I told Gary that you can't eat the horns anyway. Gary said," I would have to put my dear ole momma in jail if she shot a doe." I have decided that Uncle George Has a great smoke school, well I just can't decide.

Back to the DEER HUNT. Then I walked on down about a 100 yards down the logging road to my kid brother Ricky Whitlow's stand that he burnt down when he built a fire on top of that wood pallet platform. That fire sure did wake Ricky up.

Sure nuff' them Walker dogs jumped and headed in our direction. They filled the woods with their sweet barking and howling, inching their way closter and closter. I kept waiting for the fellow to shoot those 30 rounds and light up that flamethrower, and shoot those poison darts. I got a good friend in Chickasaw Alabama what has an 11 year old son that shoots bull frogs with a blow gun- For Real, and he catches rattle snakes and puts them in a cage. Sign that boy up.

Back to the Deer Hunt. My heart was pounding with every bark of excitement, The adrenalin was a flowing. Eventually I could tell that the dogs were right under his leaning ladder stand on that white oak tree with the giant acorns pounding his head. He just never did pull the trigger.

After the dogs went out of hearing, I walked down there to his stand and asked him why he did not shoot since it was doe day. He said, "Buck,  I never did see any deer, but that first dog was about a hundred yards ahead of the rest of the dogs and the first dog was a lot larger and was grey."

I remembered that time my grandma got so mad with me for head lighting when I accidentally shot her propane bottle that glowed in the beam of my carbide light and blew up her house. Boom Boom.

The next day that fellow shot a big fat donkey. He was so excited. He shouted, "Buck, I got me a big ole doe." He was so proud of his first deer, that I just did not want to spoil his day. I told him that it was going to be tuff so boil it for a long time. Not everyone knows how to deer hunt and not everyone knows exactly the correct way to read smoke. They may have been reading smoke for 10 years but nobody ever bothered to teach them the proper way. They might a slept through an 8-hour classroom, but never learned the proper way. Read this. By the way our classrooms are about an hour and a half long and we teach you the proper way- we focus on what you need to know. We take the time to teach all field-test attendees the proper technique before each test.

• Where to sit- sun to your back, wind perpendicular, distance from stack- 3 stack heights, contrasting background- we may have to make you a background- you can not read white smoke with white clouds for a background.
• We teach you what to look for and where in the plume that you focus- the first foot or so out of the smokestack elbow- always read the densest part of the plume.
• We teach you when and how long to look at the smoke before marking your answers- some people stare at the smoke too long and have optical illusions or see the smoke after we have gone on to the next reading- Look at the smoke only after you hear the word read. Look for 2 seconds and then look off, don't look back, don't second guess, first impression is always right, never change an answer unless you have to. Point aim and fire. If a bug gets in your eye and you did not get a good look, holler scratch and we will do it again.
• If you don't understand the fundamentals just stop us and we will explain them again.
• Just keep this in mind. Smoke School, reading opacity are not a rocket science. It is strictly an opinion based on your knowledge of the basic fundamentals. During the certification test- you do not have to nail every answer on the head. You have to be close- Each answer needs to be within 15% of the actual opacity. You just have to be close- Hand Grenade close.

                             LSU says Welcome to Orlandeaux

Our only mission it to teach you how to read opacity, and to let you practice reading opacity under our supervision until you can function on your job at the plant or in the field with little or no supervision. Part of the training involves an EPA Method 9 Certification Test- I hate the word Test- Some people freak out when they hear that word. We make the test seem like a game with competition for who makes the best score. You may even be the proud father or mother of a tube of Boudreaux Butt Paste or a five dollar pocket knife-Chesham- If you want to win, you need to make a high score- actually it is like golf- low score wins. If you want the best score you need to study just like any other game. Study this  secrets of how to pass the test the first time and fundamentals. We work with you until you understand the fundamentals so you can pass the test quickly and get back to work or for most of you, go fishing or hunting or if you are like me- an afternoon siesta.- I will never tell.

We try very hard to keep the test simple. We want you to pass the test. Nevertheless, we are audited by the EPA and we have EPA guidelines that we must follow. Most people pass the test the first time they take it. However there are times when some people have to retake the test. Please do not get angry with us or upset with yourself if you do not pass the first time. As my good friend Forrest Gump says, "It Happens. " We will take the retest after we eat. The second test will go faster because we do not have to do so much teaching. Look at the errors on the first test and make adjustments.

Here are some common errors:

• Not listening to the instructions
• Staring at the smoke- glance, read, write
• Not reading the smoke when you hear the word read- don't anticipate, be patient
• Reading the smoke too long after you hear the word read- 2 to 4 seconds
• Not reading the densest point-the first foot out of the stack
• Not keeping the sun to your back
• Not keeping the wind perpendicular- left to right- holler scratch if the wind changes
• Not keeping a contrasting background- holler scratch if you cant see the smoke clearly
• Not writing down what you intended to write down- Look at what you wrote
• Looking at someone else's paper- they are looking at yours, besides that if you are depending on someone else to take your test, then you are not learning anything and you would have done better to go fishing.

Just in case, prepare to stay at the test site until 3 PM.

Hello partner, My name is Brett FARVE Favre- I have thought that BIG GEORGE and Whitlow Smoke School was the very best team- but I just can not decide. Big George Beer Tastes great tho- I think, but can't really decide. It taste a little like Gatorade.

Whitlow teaches you the secrets of how to pass the test the first time. We set up the optimal conditions background and wind for reading smoke to make it much easier to pass and to be successful. You save money by avoiding the wasted extra days of training trying to pass the EPA Method 9 Certification Test. We save you money in manhours and hotel rooms. Don't second guess use the best. We are not the cheapest but we are the bestest, without a doubt. As Justin Wilson used to say-"I Gar-on-tee. Why don't you drop by and pass a good time."

Speaking of deer hunting, my momma and daddy started taking me deer hunting when I was 5 years old. That is how I came by the nick name Buck. I remember my first deer hunt. Momma and I were sitting under a white oak tree on a logging road along the Mississippi River south of Vidalia Louisiana in November 1953. As I remember it got a lot colder down here in those days, must be some truth to this global warming thing. We had a lot more woods back then full of hickory, cypress, white oak, and pin oak trees- not all pine trees like we have now. The woods was wide open, you could hunt just about anywhere, you just did not see any posted signs. You saw a lot more deer back in those days, there was not any such thing as not seeing any deer. I had seen as many as a hundred deer at one time in a feeding frenzy in a pin oak flat.

On that very cold day in November 1953, I was bundled up sitting on the ground next to my momma Johnnie Claire by a pine knot fire. Daddy gave me a nice gun for my birthday. It was plastic and shot ping pong balls. I shot a 30 point buck and witnessed a miracle. That dead deer jumped up and ran away. I jumped up and chased after the deer through the woods. Momma screamed, "Come back Buck you are gonna get lost!" I kept on running. Then she screamed, "Buck, There are bears out there! Lions and tigers and bears oh my!" Listen! I thought I heard a buck snort.

Momma and daddy owned a second hand junk store in Clarks Louisiana. If you lived in Caldwell or LaSalle Parish I am sure you have been to New-Ta-You, the Wal-Mart of Caldwell Parish. I grew up in a house that looked like Fred Sanfords. We had 15 refrigerators and 20 washing machines on the front porch, along with more hubcaps than Carter has liver pills. We buy junk and sell antiques was their motto. On several occasions they would barter junk for other services such as legal service from Lawyer Iley Evens, an old shotgun, or a fishing or hunting trip from anyone who had land.

Iley spoke at Momma's funeral in Columbia Louisiana about his bartering with my momma. Johnnie Claire had an old Dalmatian named Toby, after Toby Bancroft- the founder of Bancroft Bag Company in Monroe. Toby Bancroft called the quick draw pistol shooting matches for momma and daddy and the Louisiana Peace Officer's Association, founded by Duke Andrepont, another life long friend. "Ready on the right, ready on the left, ready on the firing line." Momma and Daddy were both quick draw experts until the day they passed away. Daddy actually thought that he had lived before and died along side of Wyatt Earp at the gunfight at the OK Coral. Momma, Daddy, and Toby were life long closest friends.

This was Iley Evans' story at Momma's funeral. "Johnnie Claire came into my office and said that she wanted to file a suit against a customer at the store because they said a cuss word and kicked her dog, Toby. She further stated that Toby was pregnant. The next day I went to the store to investigate. I told Miss Johnnie that I could not find any evidence that the customer said a cuss word and that her dog was not pregnant. Are you a vet, Miss Johnnie asked.

No Mam- but that is a male dog."

Bartering really works. We had permission to hunt on more land than Carter has liver pills. Some of my momma and daddy done rubbed off on me, I would be willing to negotiate a barter smoke school training for a really nice fishing trip or a hunting trip for ducks, deer, or alligator. Send me an email smokeschool@yahoo.com if you are interested. Come see.

I miss the good ole days from 1984 until 2001 when I conducted free smoke schools for over 500 people at a time for the Louisiana DEQ. You can still come free to smoke school. The Incumbent Worker Training Program IWTP in your state offers government grants for smoke school and all of your training needs. If you don't like the red tape of writing government grants call me and I will find someone to do it for you. This economic stimulus package has been in place for many years. Stimulate that.

Now the Good Lord knows that I am not the perfect Christian by far. I have slipped down and fell manys a times. Jesus was my kind of guy and he is my co-pilot. He was a fisherman. I recall the story when the disciples were fishing in the boat and Jesus said cast your line of the other side of the boat. I guess he must have invented the depth finder or something because they did cast on the other side of the boat and they did fill the boat up with fish. For some reason that fishing prayer never did work for me. But I have tried in all things to put Jesus first and find his will for my life, especially back on 9-11-01 when events changed our country forever. I wasn't sure if we would be at war or even if we would have an economy. Nevertheless I had faith about as large as a mustard seed and decided to take an early retirement from my day job, a perfectly good job with the Louisiana DEQ to set out on a new journey with the fisherman of men to start Whitlow Smoke School and travel across this great and beautiful nation.  He said build it and they will come, and to my amazement yawl have been coming faithfully. I do appreciate it, much more then you will ever know- each and every one of you.

Now the nation and the world are facing a severe economic crises that we have not seen since the great depression. It will take some mustard seed faith for each one of us to make it, but we will make it. We are fighters and winners and we will not quit. In the words of the my high school football coaches, the Greatest of all high school football coaches, from the Neville High School Fighting Tigers from Monroe Louisiana, Bill Ruple, Chick Childress, Nick White, and The outstanding legacy Coach Buck Stewart, "A quitter never wins and a winner never quits."

 Geaux Tigers Geaux!! Victory!!! We are Number ONE!!

This mustard seed faith is working for us, our business is booming more than ever- think of the birds and their needs. We are expanding and we need your help. If you are thinking about retirement, or you know someone who has been laid off please help us. Husband and wife teams or family teams are welcome. We are looking for crews that can work independently and carry on the Whitlow tradition of stress free quality training and customer service. Click here for more information.

We are expanding all of the time. We are adding new states and new locations. We need your help. Email us smokeschool@yahoo.com  to Suggest a location. We need 14 people minimum to consider a location, so pick up the phone and call some of your friends. It is this fighting spirit and faith that makes the Whitlow Smoke School Team the GREATEST! of them all, and I am mighty proud of all of our team and I am proud of you too. So be it. Run Whitlow Run. Run Forrest Run.

The Whitlow Objective: One day smoke school to teach how to calibrate the eyeball to evaluate opacity of smoke and dust particulates to document  compliance with Title V Permit and other federal and state operating permits and regulations. You will be qualified certified visible emissions evaluators, and you will know what you are doing. We not only test you, we teach you emphasizing the fundamentals-who, how, when, where, and why of opacity. Time is money. We want you to pass the certification test and we want you to pass the first time so we can go fishing and you can get back to work or go fishing too. Nobody likes to sit in a yard chair 3 days trying to pass the test. Even if you flew on a jet from New York City to a smoke school in New Orleans, you could be back at work the next day. Some schools are 2-day if we have more than 40 people attending. You do not have to fly to New Orleans, chances are we have a school near you. We have over 100 locations in over 25 states. If you do not see a location near you, you can request one.

Over 100 Years Combined Experience as Environmental Inspectors or Environmental Managers

The Whitlow Team includes 3 retired Louisiana DEQ Inspectors or Environmental Managers

Over 100 Locations For Your Convenience

The best that's ever been

What Our Customers and Friends Say About Whitlow

Over the years there have been a select few people that would have made some bad comments about Buck's Smoke School, but we let Amos Moses use them for Alligator Bait. Since then, we haven't heard a negative word. Like my momma always use to say, If you like us tell every body, and if you don't like us don't tell nobody.

Catch my drift, son?

You see, we live down here on the bayou with the gators, the ratteling snakes,  and the cottonmouths and besides huntin' and fishin' we like to:

Get down the fiddle and get down the bow,

Take off our clothes and throw em on the flo'

Dance in the kitchen to the mornin' light

Louisiana Saturday night

In my old age, I have very little patience for bad customer service. We strive for customer service. We are members of Better Business Bureau, U. S. Chamber of Commerce, Monroe Louisiana West Ouachita Parish Chamber of Commerce and an American Disabled Veterans small business

First time customers please click here to request a Box of Chocolates and a Brochure. First time customers now can receive a discount of 10% to 50% and some can attend their first Whitlow smoke school absolutely free. We are that sure that you will love us. First time customers click here for details about these special discounts.  

New Locations- We are growing and we are looking for new locations targeting all states east of the Mississippi River and some states west of the Mississippi. Suggest a location.

Notice- this page uses a lot of images. If your computer is slow, then you need to delete the cookies and images stored in your computer. Here is how you do it.

  
Choose Whitlow and get the best that ever was or ever will be- ain't no doubt about it.

BLUE DOG BY GEORGE RODRIQUE ACADIANA LOUISIANA

Smoke School By A Living Legend in my own mind

Uncle George Artie "Buck" Whitlow

Go Air Force- 13 year veteran

Virtual Wall for Vietnam War casualties listed by Home of Record.

Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah
Some call me the gangster of love
Some people call me Maurice- That is my Uncle

Some people call me Easy Money

Some people call me Buck

Just don't call me late for lunch

and don't call me Mrs. Johnson

Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

Because I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I sure don't want to hurt no one

You don't have to call me Merle Haggard- That is my cousin

People that know all 3 of us say that I look more like Waylon Jennings.

And you don't have to call me Charlie Pride any more.

To be honest with you- on more than one occasion such as in Hot Springs Arkansas one week end- I signed a few autographs as Bocephus Hank Williams JR. I simply could not disappoint the fans and I never did tell them the difference.

Watch The Steve Miller Band sing the Joker

Buck and Big Bertha the Phantom 309 in Fayetteville Arkansas

I  apologies for my outfit. I just got back from a wedding. Two of my cousins got married- to each other.

In my life, I have learned one thing. Every woman's  crazy about a sharp dressed man. Years ago one of my customers said that I was putting on front by the way I dress at smoke school. I said what you see is what you get. I have had to dress professional most of my 60 years of life- either in a school with a rigged dress code, the military uniforms with starch & spit shined shoes, or as a state employee. Now I basically I am retired. Now when I come to smoke school I dress as me- comfortable. You should too. Smoke School is outside, it can be hot & it can be cold. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you loose. Sometimes the game gets rained out. Dress appropriately.

Saints fans, Whitlow Team members Margo, Jason, & Wendell

Well, Im a standing on a corner
In Whitlow, Arizona
And such a fine sight to see
Its a girl, my lord, in a flatbed
Ford slowin down to take a look at me

Come on, baby, don't say maybe
I gotta know if your sweet love is
Gonna save me
We may lose and we may win though
We will never be here again
So open up, Im climbin in,
So take it easy

This is one of my mentors- Skip Bertman LSU Baseball Coach

Who's on First

Uncle Buck Whitlow

Disabled U S Air Force Vietnam War Era Veteran 1969 to 1983- TSGT NCO in Charge of Environmental Health- I was born to train    USAF Training Experience    The History of Louisiana Smoke Schools

Louisiana D E Q Retired 1984 to 2001- Air Quality Inspector and Smoke School Provider

Founder and President of Whitlow Enterprises Smoke School 2001 to present

L S U Fan- Born in Purple and Gold Diaper

Graduate from the School of Hard Knocks

B S Liberal Arts- Social Studies and Environmental Science 1966-1987- 20 years of night school shot to ___- USAF School of Aerospace Medicine, Northeast Louisiana University, University of Illinois at Carbondale, LSU, Southern University at Baton Rouge, Regents College, University of New York at Albany and others

Started Whitlow Enterprises Oddly Enough on 9 - 1- 1

Click Here to meet the Whitlow Team Staff of Qualified Employees

Barney Fife    Freddy the Freeloader

The Whitlow Family 1940s: From Left to right- My Grandfather Artie Whitlow, Eloise Whitlow- Daddy's sister, Artie JR Whitlow- B-21 pilot killed shortly after picture taken in WW2, Mother Whit- my Grandmother, Daddy George Wesley Whitlow, Maurice Whitlow- Daddy's Little Brother- the only survivor living today in Arab Alabama

The Whitlow Family Late 1960s: Left to Right- Uncle Maurice Whitlow, Mother Whit, Eloise Whitlow, Daddy- George Wesley Whitlow (with the apron- now you see why I like to cook at smoke School. WW 2 cost the family both my Grandfather and my Uncle Artie JR. Artie JR was a B-21 Pilot killed in action over Germany. My Grandfather had a massive heart attack when they delivered the telegram about Artie Jr.

What is the secret to passing smoke school on the first test run?

Meanwhile Back in the Jungle

What is smoke school? Smoke school is all about calibration. We calibrate our smoke machine using current certified calibration filters that simulate 25, 50, and 75% opacity. We teach you how to calibrate your eyeballs and brain to recognize 25, 50, and 75% opacity and how to use these calibration points to evaluate opacity from zero to 100%. Our goal is calibration of the eye. Our goal is to make you opacity conscious. When you drive down the road and see your neighbor's house on fire. You will look out the window and say dat gome, that is 80%. Ain't no doubt about it.

Smoke School is a basic overview of air pollution emphasizing visible emissions evaluation. Participants will be trained to perform EPA Method 9 for reading visible emissions and will have the opportunity to obtain visible emissions evaluation certification. This certification is valid for six months. You need to take the certification test every 6 months to maintain certification. EPA recommends the classroom every 3 years. Some states require the classroom. Check your state regulations.

Uncle George "Buck" and Whitlow Enterprises

Without a doubt the best smoke school that ever was

or ever will be- Just a fact Jack

Holy Cow

Training for compliance certification, monitoring and documentation of smoke, dust, and other particulate emissions, Our training for EPA Method 9 and 22 complies with 40 CFR 60, EPA, state and local environmental departments and permits nationwide. This includes Title V and other permits for air quality. We travel to over 100 smoke school locations. We are the best that ever was or ever will be. Often imitated never duplicated.

Some of you are pretty much smarter than me. Maybe you can identify this fossil. I found this years ago while deer hunting in a swamp at Castor Creek near Chatom Louisiana. I took it to LSU Archeology and they did not have a clue, except maybe it was a prehistoric stingray. One fiend and customer said she found similar fossils along the coast of Lake Erie.  Email me if you can identify the above object.

Update January 29, 2010: We have an almost concussive answer contributed by Keith Houseknecht, Canton Drop Forge, Canton Ohio. Keith says with authority that this is a Pharyngeal Cromis Throat Tooth from a Black Drum fish or similar fish. The Black Drum fish is a salt water gulf fish. Daddy found this fossil near Chatom Louisiana 200 miles north of the Gulf of Mexico. This find and similar seashells in the area indicates a conflict with the theory that man and fossil fuels are creating global warming. The theory indicates that the icebergs will melt and raise sea levels of the gulf. Well guess what, the sea levels have raised in the past. Could it be possible that this planet Earth goes through life cycles and there is nothing at all we can do about it, other than learn how to swim?

Now back to Smoke School

We are based in West Monroe, Louisiana and we have a branch location in Odon, Indiana. We conduct smoke school certification and training for many federal, state, and local environmental enforcement agencies that need certification training that will stand up in court. We welcome the opportunity to take over any state or federal contracts. Your employees will learn everything they need to know about opacity evaluation and visible emissions inspections. Click here for information about Whitlow government smoke school contracts.

Our bread and butter comes from well over 2000 industrial companies. We are trusted my more industrial plants than Carter has Liver Pills. We conduct semiannual smoke schools  at over 100 locations across America. We are growing every day so check our schedule often. You may register online, by FAX 318-327-3199, or by phone 318-361-2355 for any open enrollment smoke schools on our schedule. You can request a private school at your plant or for your entire company if you need to train at least 14 people. You can request an open enrollment school in your area.

Our fees are reasonable. We offer discounts for multiple attendees from a plant and first time customers. First-time customers may receive up to a 50% discount if you provide a copy of your receipt or certificate from another smoke school provider. First time customers please click here to request a Box of Chocolates and a Brochure.

Free smoke school- government reimbursement of smoke school fees

Buck- the Proud Grandfather

Our Son Aaron is proud to be a Boy Scout

Don't stare at the smoke because it can cause optical illusions. Click my eyes for an example of optical illusions. Use a stop watch and read the smoke or dust every 15 seconds for 6 minutes. Basic fundamentals of reading opacity/ Just like football, you need to use the fundamentals.

What is the secret to passing the smoke school test on the first run?- use the fundamentals.

WHAT IS A BLUE DOG?

Benefits of choosing Whitlow- Learn something, get smart, have fun

Why you should choose Whitlow

·        Audited by the EPA

• 4 retired LDEQ Inspectors on the staff, You will learn what the inspectors look for at your plant.

·        One-day training programs

·        Certification testing focused in low level opacity from zero to 50%

• Simplified fill in the blank Method 9 Certification answer sheets- no more circle the answer

·        Customer service with a smile you can depend on

·        Free southern or Cajun lunches, other tailgate lunches

    Fresh Hot Coffee and ice cold water and sodas

Forrest Gump came to our smoke school in Greenbo Alabama and this is what he had to say about Whitlow Enterprises.

Donuts for Dunking- Fresh Hot Donuts when we can find them. Perhaps you can find the donuts when you are driving to the school. Email us if you can stop to get the donuts. Try to get the freshest and the hottest donuts, weather they are plane glazed or not. Please bring your receipt so we can pay you back.

·        Friendly competition and prizes for people with the best certification scores on the test

• Win Boudreaux Butt paste

•   

• Win gift fancy hats, cooking seasonings, and T-shirts

• New T-shirt design

• 

• Win gift certificates for Wal-Mart or Bass Pro Shops

• 

• Win world famous Whitlow pocket knifes

• Brother let me tell you what. You are in the big time, when you got your name on a 5 dollar pocket knife.

• You might even win a shirt that says

  Learn how to read smoke and accurately-.If the steam plume is detached, not touching the top of the smokestack, then read the opacity before the steam starts. Again the opacity should be zero or at least under the permitted level- unless you are not standing in the correct place or something broke.

   

  I gave Blood at a Whitlow Smoke School

  I am smart, real smart. I'm a blooming genius. Here l can prove it. I can read your mind. I'm so bright my Daddy called me, son. I can read your mind. Here l can prove it. Pick a card, any card. Don't tell anyone which card you picked. Click on any card below, but do not click on the card you picked. Say abra-credabra

  

   

·        Locations with shelter from the sun, rain and snow

·        Low stress training environment

Please help us maintain our lower fees by participating in our Refer a Friend to Smoke School Program and win a discount or prizes of your choice.

Many of our long time customers and friends enjoyed the fun, music, and animations on our old home page. Please click here to see our old home page- the Good Ol' Boy page. After all, the EPA auditors out in California at the Air Control Board told me that they were proud to meet me, because I am a living legend. They refer to me as the Good Ol' Boy. If the shoe fits, wear it.

Come to Whitlow smoke school, get smart, pass a good time at the tailgate party. "If'n you tanks dis to bees a guut edayo, shuts me bak uh E-male!"

 Frequently Asked Questions:

·         How to choose a smoke school provider- Why should you choose Whitlow?

• What is the secret to passing the certification test on the first run?

·         What does Smoke School Consist of?

• What will the EPA Do to us if we cant keep our emissions down

·         What is opacity?

·         Who should be certified as opacity evaluators at smoke school?

·         How many people should be certified at my plant?

• Will Uncle George make public speaking engagements for my group? I would love to. Contact me.

• How should I prepare for a state or federal visible emissions evaluation and inspection?

• Will Whitlow Enterprises conduct an audit of our visible emissions documentation for compliance with regulations?

• Other frequently asked questions

What will the EPA do to us if we dont keep our emissions down?

        Yawl come back now- ya hear

Wear your insulated underwear and we will build you a fire.