Merry Christmas from Whitlow Smoke School and our schedule Email Date: December 2011

Sweet Angela, and me, along with the rest of the Whitlow crew wishes all of you a very Merry Christmas. The schedule from now to Feb 31 is posted at the end of this email. Here is the news from Lake Whitlowbegone. I have managed to take it easy, catch up on my beauty rest, and deer hunt a few days. I got a shot at something. Well it was a deer for sure, but it had a large red nose. Luckily I missed. Sara Palin was on the next stand about 100 yards away and I heard her shoot 17 times. She got it. I took this nice picture of her nice buck. I sighted my scope in at an old deserted house. Well, I thought it was deserted. I mean there were vines all over the walls and windows. Luckily the scope was off about maybe 19 feet or so. I missed the window, missed the wall, and even missed the house. How many clicks is that? I think the poor guy worked 24/7 at the paper mill and left his truck at the plant. He was not very happy with me for waking him up. That’s for sure. For sure. For sure.

I did manage to go duck hunting a couple of times. I was out there on the river and along come a duck in a bunch all by himself. I call him over with my duck hunting caller and the duck sees my decoy what I am sitting in. I built a 30 foot long duck decoy what you can sit in like a blind. I figured when these ducks are about a mile high, then a 30 foot decoy looks like a normal duck. Anyways this duck in a bunch all by himself sees my decoy and lands just out there in front of the decoy nose. I rolled down the window and raises my twice barrel shootemup gun and bank. I seen a miracle. That dead duck ups and flies away. Then wouldn't you know it. Another ducks flies over the decoy just like the last one in a bunch all by himself. I raise my twice barrel shotgun and bang. That duck falls in the river with a thud. Annie my dawg trips trips on top of the water and gets dat duck and puts dat duck in the decoy. I forgot to teach dat dawg how to swim I garontee. I am looking for a new friend to take us duck or deer hunting in your special place. Just ask me.

Sweet Angie and Colleen are mad wit me. I be spending more money faster than I can print it. I lost my debit card. Well I left it by my cell phone or something and it stopped working. I ordered a new one and they said it would be a week or three until I got a new one. Then I found out the hard way that they canceled the old one. I would have been broke but I won some cash at Sam's Town Casino in Shreveport. I discovered the secret of the Craps Table. Walk up there like you are stooped or something. Stooped is Stooped does. My momma used to say life is just like a box of chocolates. Drop some money on the table. They lay down some poker chips. You stand next to one of the dealers and hand them a $5 chip and say, "Put this in your pocket." Then you say, "What dat mean, what dis mean." They start giving you advice. They will even put your chips on the table in the right place. Then you just rake in the money. I won $750 buckeroos and for the very first time had fun at the casino. It is more fun to win than it is to loose. i garontee. I was going to give all of the devils money away but I spent it cause I was broke cause my debit card broke.

I do so appreciate all of you for choosing Whitlow. It makes me feel humble that you would choose us. I appreciate the good Lord for helping you choose us. Now you need to ask the Lord to help me manage your hard earned money. I ain't never had none, so it runs through my fingers like my bullets off a wet duck's back. The Lord said build it and they will come. You have been coming and thank you both so much. But you need to be like the fire ants and bring some of your friends with you. Angie and Colleen says we could use some  financial aid. Remember it is Christmas time, so take some you that money and give it to the needy folks that live around you. Invite one over to eat that fired turkey.

The problem is that everything is going wrong. If it could be broke it did break. The latest crises was the septic system conked out. Basically I have 2 oxidation ponds one in the back of the house and another in front of the house. We ain't never had no mosquitoes around here in these sandy hills. You could sit on the porch all night long and never get bit. Then all of a sudden like, I starts getting ate up. I walked around the ponds and they are breeding mosquitoes. Wouldn't you know it. I retired from the Louisiana DEQ you know, and I have some friends at the health department. So I call them and ask for help. They said if your septic system was working, you would not be having these mosquitoes. Wouldn't you know it, they writ me up. So I had to spend $10,000 on a new septic system. The guy that put it in, did not do it right. The risers on the holding tank leaked. It rained about a ton of water and it leaked through the risers into the holding tank and flooded the bathtub, the bathroom, the hall, and the bedroom. Flooded with all of this brown water. It got my best shoes wet.

I guess I am in good health, I guess. I am feeling better than I deserve. How about you? I did notice that I have a better flow and it last longer. Great, I said that without saying the P word. Flow is a good sign for a veteran of bladder cancer. I have developed a rather bad symptom the past month. When I grip something, sometimes my knuckles and fingers lock up. I guess this is an early sign of authorities. My poor momma’s fingers were locked up and disjointed for years.

I as usual have a bad case of the blues for Christmas. I really miss my momma and daddy this time of year. At night I look across the yard at our many Christmas lights and decorations and at our great fiber optic tree. This always reminds me of my humble childhood and how much effort my parents put into giving us great Christmas memories, like the times we went out in the woods in the cold to find that special tree. I had plans to find donations of bikes and toys for the poor kids around here, but I could not get anyone to contribute. I might hit a few yard sales.

Aaron is still making straight A’s in high school. Heather broke up with Butchie Boy, Awesome. Erin is doing well with her volunteer Museum job in Washington Indiana. Angie’s dad Joe is doing well in Vincennes. He got a new elongated toilet, so maybe I can hit it once in a while. Dave and Adam is still rolling in all of the money for his Indiana crew, and the rest of the crew here in West Monroe are sticking with it through thick and thin.

Things are going well for us members of Tiger Nation and Who Dat Nation. LSU is playing Alabama in the national championship game. Les Miles, the mad hatter and the grass eating Moran, is doing well.  The New Orleans Saints are on the right path to the Super Bowl again. The hottest Christmas present item around here is the Drew Brees birth mark tattoo.

Sweet Angie wrote a nice Christmas Story about our Christmas tree. Read more

Where is On Star When You Need Them- Locked Out of My Truck in the Woods at Night

And that is the news from Lake Whitlowbegone where all the woman are strong, the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

Other Whitlow Smoke School Nation Stories and Monthly Email Greetings.

Whitlow Smoke School Nation Home Page

Schedule from now until FEB 31. Our certificates are valid in all 53 states. You can register by clicking the link, replying to this email or by phone. Call Pete, Wendy, or Colleen at 318-361-2355. Be well. Do good work. Keep smiling and stay in touch.

December 7, 2011- Burnside Louisiana (WM LA C1)

December 8, 2011- Atmore Alabama (WN LA C1)

December 9, 2011- Private Smoke School Castleberry Alabama (WM LA C1)

December 14, 2011- West Monroe Louisiana at our house (WM LA C1)

December 25, 2012- Merry Christmas- Keep Christ in Christmas

January 3, 2012- North Little Rock Arkansas (WM LA C1)

January 4, 2012- Odon Indiana (O IN C2)

January 5, 2012- West Monroe Louisiana at our house (WM LA C1)

January 9, 2012- Private Smoke School Waynesboro Georgia (O IN C2)

January 11, 2012- Gainesville Florida Alternate (O IN C2)

January 9-10, 2012- Houston Texas (WM LA C1)

January 12-13, 2012- San Antonio Texas (WM LA C1)

January 13, 2012- Lakeland Florida (O IN C2)

January 16, 2012- Panama City Florida (O IN C2)

January 16, 2012- Broussard Louisiana (WM LA C1)

January 17, 2012- Ville Platte Louisiana (WM LA C1)

January 18, 2012- New Orleans Mandeville Louisiana (WM LA C1)

January 19, 2012- Baton Rouge Louisiana Alternate Smoke School (WM LA C1)

January 19, 2012- Private Smoke School Butler Kentucky (O IN C2)

January 23-24, 2012- Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex Texas (WM LA C1)

January 25-26, 2012- Henderson Kentucky (O ON C2)

January 26-27, 2012- Austin Texas (WM LA C1)

January 27, 2012- Bowling Green Kentucky (O IN C2)

January 30-31, 2012- Galveston Texas (WM LA C1)

February 2-3, 2012- Freeport Texas (WM LA C1)

February 3, 2012- Ashland Kentucky (O IN C2)

February 6-7, 2012- Corpus Christy Texas (WM LA C1)

February 6-7, 2012- Maysville Kentucky (O IN C2)

February 9-10, 2012- Bloomington Indiana (O IN C2)

February 13, 2012- Private Smoke School Petersburg Virginia (O IN C2)

February 13, 2012- West Monroe Louisiana at our house (WM LA C1)

February 14, 2012- Richmond Virginia (O IN C2)

February 15, 2012- Martinsville Virginia (O IN C2)

February 17, 2012- Wheeling West Virginia (O IN C2)

February 17, 2012- Gainesville Florida (WM LA C1)

February 20, 2012- Private Smoke School Burkeville Alabama (WM LA C1)

February 21, 2012- Louisville Kentucky Alternate (O IN C2)

February 21-22, 2012- Mobile Prichard Saraland Alabama (WM LA C1)

February 23, 2012- Private Smoke School Mobile Coden Alabama (WM LA C1)