It ain't over until the fat cat sings
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Whitlow Smoke School Nation
Smoke
School Stories
Do you remember life before ATM, GPS and Google Maps?
Do
you remember when telephones really rang and you could count the bells? Ten
rings meant nobody home. You could put a bell on the back wall outside and work
in the garage and hear the phone ring. My brother, Ricky had 12 phones all wired
in the wall. He even had a phone in the bathroom. Do you remember party lines.
On the south side of Monroe Louisiana we had a single ring. The neighbors had a
double ring. There were times when we had a 4 party line and this was confusing.
I could pick up the phone quietly and listen to all of the neighbor’s complaints
about me. I knew some old folks that had the old phones with cranks on the side
for making contact with the operator who used a switchboard to connect your
calls. I knew an elderly lady from Springhill Louisiana who said that when she
was a kid, her house was the last house on the Springhill phone line. The
operator used to call her to walk out in her back yard and connect the wires for
a call to Minden. She said the wire sent electronic signals. Sometimes she would
cut open a watermelon and put the wire inside of the melon and call the pigs
over to eat. The pigs got a big shock out of it. 
These
vintage crank phones were good for calling catfish too. "Hello is this MR
Catfish?" "Nope it is the Game Warden- You in a heap of trouble now."
Do you remember when phone numbers had just five numbers? Our number was 21043. Daddy’s Monroe Police number was 27171. Then they changed it to FA-27171 and later 32-27171 and then they added area codes 318-322-7171.
Daddy
rode a Harley Davidson for a living. He was a motorcycle cop and he was never in
the office by the phone. The phone number 27171 was the police dispatcher. The
dispatcher knew my voice. “May I speak to Daddy?” and the dispatcher would
connect me over the police radio. “Daddy can I have a dollar for a date?” “Can I
have a dollar for a movie?” Back when I was a kid we could go to the Paramount
Theater and spend the entire day for a quarter and have change for popcorn. They
played several different movies all day and they had ushers to use a flashlight
to show you to your seat. I would go with several friends and sit in the
balcony. We got kicked out of several movies for laughing and cutting up. You
might say it was a cheap babysitter.
“Daddy,
I accidentally set the grass in the vacant lot on fire while burning the trash
in the 55 gallon barrel. The fire spread over to the Swagman’s mayonnaise tin
warehouse over the spur railroad track where the hobos lived in the box cars.
The fire blew up some mayonnaise jars of rotten mayonnaise and they exploded
leaving this rotten smell all over the neighborhood. The fire department came
and put the fire out, but they were mad with me for starting the fire.” It
wasn’t long before Daddy came roaring down Nichols Ave siren blasting on the
Harley. I got into real trouble here, because I had to tell the truth. I was
supposed to be out watching the trash burn, but I was in Daddy’s bedroom looking
at the semi clothed ladies in the
True Detective magazine. Daddy was madder about that then the fire. I wasn’t
allowed to be in the bedroom.
Can you remember life before ATM machines? I woke up the other morning and had
an ATM machine in the bedroom closet. Actually, it was a dream I guess, because
when I woke up fully the ATM was gone. But it sure would be convenient. In the
dream, I put the wrong code in and the ATM ate my card. I was cussing and
ranting hell about it out loud as Angie was trying to sleep. I remember life
before ATM. We did not have electronic deposit. I had to take the check to the
bank and wait in line for deposit. I had to travel a lot working for
Louisiana Department of
Environmental Quality (LDEQ). We always got paid on Friday. If you made a
weekend trip, it was a long time to Monday before you could get to the bank. I
was usually broke before Wednesday.
Can you remember life before
Google Maps and GPS? I remember many times sitting on the side of the road
with a flashlight and a magnifying glass trying to read a roadmap. What a pain
in the yahoo. I would have never started this
smoke school traveling business
without the Internet for advertising and Google Maps for directions. I hate
being lost. Now all of our schools on the schedule have Google Maps linked to
each page. I also linked hotel information and a weather report so you can know
how to dress. Only problem is that sometimes the contact person forgets to
inform this to the employees who attend. Last week, we had 2 people show up for
a school in the snow without coats. Smoke school is an outdoor endeavor. I
finally broke down and got a GPS and now I wonder how I ever lived without one.
Sometimes my old timers kick in and I can’t remember where I am and where it is
that I’m going. It is a bummer because sometimes the GPS is wrong. “You have
arrived at your destination.” You look up and all you see is corn fields. “Wait
a minute, recalculating.”
Can you remember life before cell phones? When I worked for LDEQ I did not have
a cell phone. I had a radio in the truck but half the time I forgot to turn it
on. My deer stand was 3 miles from my air sampling site. I could be on the deer
stand before 4 PM, now that was life. Cell phones can be inconvenient at times.
I like to use the handicap public stalls in truck stops as I travel. The
handicap stalls have extra room. I get claustrophobic in small places and they
have these handles for power squeezes. I was in the handicap stall and some guy
next to me started a conversation.
“How are you doing?”
“Fine-You.”
“Where you going?”
“Shreveport.”
“Where you been?”
“Monroe.”
“What time is it?”
I pulled out my call phone and said, “12:31”
“Wait a minute, I will call you back.”
Couple of friends I really like
A little house outside of town
An old car that gets me around
Complications may arise
But I live a simple life
And I live a simple life
Cell phone when my old car dies
The Internet to show me where
GPS to get me there
Everywhere there’s satellites
Oh I live a simple life
It ain't over until the fat cat sings
